someone tell me what to eat because I’m not really craving anything and otherwise I’ll just go without eating. there’s always too fucking much in my head now. remember all those nights when he would come and kiss me on the balcony? really wanted to go see the damn quails at the deli tonight but of course I have no one to go with and no one wants to hang with me and I don’t feel pretty enough to go to a show alone. jk I just don’t feel pretty, so let’s just keep starving ourselves shall we? maybe I’ll tune the world out and do some online retail therapy, or go to cvs and buy perfume because it’s buy one get one half off!! and random ass makeup fun stuff but then if I’m going out I might as well eat except I’m not happy enough to eat as always. had shitty fucking dreams last night about being hopelessly in love with him and he wanted nothing to do with me and everyone knew and it was winter. night before I had the most beautiful dreams for a cool minute. watching adventure time and making a ouija board out of paper and pen and a twenty spot at three am in the cemetery and eating watermelon with kyle and billy and pip was so much fun except I am always just a bucket with so many holes lately. I am always craving movies but I never watch any. I’m always hungry at work but I never eat. when I get off schedule with my antidepressants I become my own worst road block. I really didn’t want to be alone tonight but what other choice do I have? remember all those times he kissed me? sometimes I fucking hate the world for being so goddamn beautiful when I have no one to share it with. fuck.