a moveable feast.

Audio

Fri, 24 May 2013 01:43:01 -0500

Photo

Fri, 24 May 2013 01:42:11 -0500

left my moleskine in my car so all my thoughts are getting poured out here tonight. I have bruises...

Fri, 24 May 2013 01:38:09 -0500

left my moleskine in my car so all my thoughts are getting poured out here tonight.

I have bruises on the bottom knuckle of my thumb and the base knuckle of my pointer finger from playing volleyball with a flat ball drunk in the middle of the night last night. a part of me feels like I made a fool of myself. the rest of me is just trying to ignore that part.

today started off so perfectly I can’t even believe it happened.

sometimes I think about how good the sex with bill is but then I think about eric and how he always made me feel wanted afterwards. safe and wanted and secure and appreciated. the dividing line between the two is so small, I love(d) them both and had/have a wonderful sex life with each of them, but that single absence of connection afterwards terrifies me because a part of me is already afraid that he’s just using me - either physically, or simply so that he doesn’t feel alone.

maybe I’m just using him to hide my own loneliness. how do you know? how do any of us ever know?

the new vampire weekend album is pretty much responsible for getting me through my days lately.

really grateful that the weekend is finally here. I want to spend a lot of time with my mother at her art studio for the festival. it’s such a comforting touchstone for me, reminds me of when I was a little girl and unafraid.

I’ve been struggling with my body lately. I wish I was skinnier and in way better shape and I know what to do to make that happen, but I smoke so much these days that cardio kills me so quickly and my inability to push for as long as I think I ‘should’ makes me feel defeated.

I’ve been talking to Jordan a lot lately, even hanging out with him. it’s been great honestly. but I refuse to get too close ever again.

I need to come up with like 2-300 bucks before June 8th so that I won’t be squeezed for money on the trip. still don’t know exactly what to do about that yet. stress. panic.

so much anxiety lately it astonishes me. but I’m still going which is a good sign. I’m trying my best to reaffirm myself every day, remember my own inner strength and bravery.

I think the hydro kicked in because I feel a lot more at peace now.

tomorrow will be a good day. I’m gonna let myself sleep for as long as I need to but then I’m getting up and getting things done. it’ll be good. and it’s friday! hallelujah. it’s been a damn trying week but also a good one and I’m really excited for this weekend. hahaha the hydrocodone has definitely kicked in because I feel so positive now.

thanks for listening tumblr. I’m sure I’ll mind vomit again before the night is out.

took a hydrocodone for the first time in forever because why not but now I feel weirdly shaky and...

Fri, 24 May 2013 01:20:01 -0500

took a hydrocodone for the first time in forever because why not but now I feel weirdly shaky and not at peace? so that’s fucking strange but hopefully it passes. wish I had someone to talk to.

’? Nuit Blanche Paris’ by Robert Stadler

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:29:57 -0500

’? Nuit Blanche Paris’ by Robert Stadler

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Thu, 23 May 2013 23:25:18 -0500

"(and from my thighs which shrug and pant a murdering rain leapingly reaches the upward singular..."

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:20:45 -0500

“(and from my thighs which shrug and pant
a murdering rain leapingly reaches the
upward singular deepest flower which she
carries in a gesture of her hips)”

- e.e. cummings, from Sometimes I Am Alive Because With (via femme-ex-machina)

sassyandpunk: Teen Age Riot || Sonic Youth

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:19:39 -0500

sassyandpunk:

Teen Age Riot || Sonic Youth

nevver: Paris n’existe pas

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:17:46 -0500

All Images © Kaitlin Rebesco

All Images © Kaitlin Rebesco

All Images © Kaitlin Rebesco

All Images © Kaitlin Rebesco

nevver:

Paris n’existe pas

Photo

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:13:50 -0500

likeafieldmouse: Leslie Shows - Black Iceberg No. 1 (2008) -...

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:09:23 -0500

likeafieldmouse:

Leslie Shows - Black Iceberg No. 1 (2008) - Ink on paper

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Thu, 23 May 2013 22:58:31 -0500

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Thu, 23 May 2013 22:49:52 -0500

irina werning

irina werning

irina werning

irina werning

irina werning

irina werning

"It feels good to think about you when I’m warm in bed. I feel as if you’re curled up there beside..."

Thu, 23 May 2013 22:48:17 -0500

“It feels good to think about you when I’m warm in bed. I feel as if you’re curled up there beside me, fast asleep. And I think how great it would be if it were true.”

- Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood (via femme-ex-machina)

mrgolightly: Justin Timberlake - Summer Love/Set the Mood...

Thu, 23 May 2013 22:47:38 -0500

mrgolightly:

Justin Timberlake - Summer Love/Set the Mood (Prelude)

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Thu, 23 May 2013 22:43:00 -0500

homleschapel: summer is real cute until every fuckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of...

Thu, 23 May 2013 22:41:55 -0500

homleschapel:

summer is real cute until every fuckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell

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Thu, 23 May 2013 22:40:16 -0500

windows98: Baby Bash // Suga Suga baby bash for always

Thu, 23 May 2013 22:35:33 -0500

windows98:

Baby Bash // Suga Suga

baby bash for always

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Thu, 23 May 2013 22:35:09 -0500